there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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