She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize