At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
