I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My vagina just clenched in fear
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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