I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
don't judge my taste in strippers
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
