I am midnight drunk by noon
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
