Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
