Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize