oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
