i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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