on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
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i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
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The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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