if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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