and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
