'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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