I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
