I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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