Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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