I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
