Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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