I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
