end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
how do you play pong handcuffed?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
