She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
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I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
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I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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