ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
