i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
