I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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