This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
