just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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