did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
