I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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