Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
