i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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