i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
