U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
