I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
