u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
