I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
