Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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