I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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