What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I smell like Dick and happiness
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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