A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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