woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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