I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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