i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
