Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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