3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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