After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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