Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
