Will you blow on my dice?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
