I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
