If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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