The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
