Kiss
Puke
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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