Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
