Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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