I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
