im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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