my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
