Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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