he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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