he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
