So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
