Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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