Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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