goodnight i made you a song goodbye
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
