eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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