You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
