Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
third nipple confirmed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
