my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
