1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm too high and old for this...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
